I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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