Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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