you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
