No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
