I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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