Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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