I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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