This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
