I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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