I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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