I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
