all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
