There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
