Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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