I molested 6 butterflies tonight
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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