I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
