There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
