Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
