I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
be right there i have to get my cape
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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