My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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