I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
