i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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