I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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