$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
