I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
