she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
