Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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