Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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