We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
