Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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