***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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