Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
