I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
birth control should be required to get into college
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I need to calm my uterus...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
