I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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