So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Where is the hickey?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
