You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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