my vag is so smooth its legendary
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
