Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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