It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I accidentally burped into my bong.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i now understand why vodka
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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