I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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