and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
