and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
