I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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