I should be sponsored by Trojan
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
