Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
