I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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