I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
