i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
