Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Two words: blizzard sex
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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