he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
