Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
