i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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