She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
