i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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