I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Randomize
